"When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was."
- Mitch Hedberg {

"When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I’m upside down"
- Mitch Hedberg {

"I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I’m upside down"

- Mitch Hedberg

"Look at the limes, how they float.
Next time I’m on a  boat and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. Like I’ll be water-skiing  without a life preserver, people will say “What the fuck?” and I will  pull out a lime. I’m saved by the buoyancy of citrus.”
-Mitch Hedberg {

"Look at the limes, how they float.

Next time I’m on a boat and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. Like I’ll be water-skiing without a life preserver, people will say “What the fuck?” and I will pull out a lime. I’m saved by the buoyancy of citrus.”

-Mitch Hedberg

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer"
- Mitch Hedberg {

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer"

- Mitch Hedberg

"If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house.
Well i was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!”
- Mitch Hedberg {

"If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house.

Well i was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!”

- Mitch Hedberg

"I haven’t slept for 10 days because that would be too long."
- Mitch Hedberg {

"I haven’t slept for 10 days because that would be too long."

- Mitch Hedberg